The Family Undertaking

What makes a lawyer choose to practise in this very personal area of the law, which at times can be highly charged with emotion and angst? Tracey Yeo talks to five lawyers who practise family law to understand their motivations, rewards and challenges in ‘undertaking’ the demise of a marriage ...

Inextricably linked with the intricacies of human experiences and emotions, family law can bring lawyers up close and personal with diffcult family relationships. Yet, some lawyers have chosen the family way and share their reasons with The Singapore Law Gazette (SLG).

For Ms Ellen Lee, who practises in her own firm, Ellen Lee & Co, her primary motivation is a sense of mission to help people in troubled marriages.

She began her involvement in family law 15 years ago and runs her own practice which specialises in family law.

The parting of ways by parents can often leave children confused and traumatised

Ms Koh Geok Jen, a founding partner of Koh Ong & Partners, chose to be a family law practitioner out of a genuine interest in the rights of Singapore women and began her career in family law ‘from day one, from pupillage’.

‘I was particularly concerned about how the courts would treat women who had been homemakers all their lives, leaving all the financial aspects of their marriages to their husbands,’ she told SLG.

Mr Yap Teong Liang, a partner in Salem Ibrahim & Partners, found that family law practice was ‘a natural progression’ after being involved in this area in his early years of practice. A family law practitioner since 1992, almost 90% to 95% of Teong Liang’s cases are family law matters.

Mr Alain Johns, of Johns & Co, who commenced practice 3 1 /2 years ago revealed, ‘I enjoy family law practice and get a sense of satisfaction and service to the community.’

Ms Daisy Chua, the sole proprietor of Daisy Chua & Co, was a mature law student who entered legal practice in 1992 after working in the foreign service, which allowed her to experience life in several countries.

‘Matrimonial work enriches me and helps me to see life from different angles, from the perspective of my clients,’ she explains. The lawyers pointed out that family law work was very different from commercial claims as it involved the personal aspects of their clients’ lives.

‘We deal with emotions; the cases are not “cut and dry” like commercial claims,’ said Teong Liang.

‘You should have an interest in people and want to help them; … You have to console, advise and sometimes even scold them,’ shared Ellen, who has seen depressed clients wanting to take their own lives and angry clients wanting to beat up or harass their spouses.

‘The challenge is to help your client solve his problem in the way that he wants, to help him find practical solutions,’ advised Daisy.

‘When a couple parts, there will be many remaining links — children, friends, relatives — there will be many things they have shared. A divorce has to be handled with care so that the couple can be civil to each other or even be friends,’ Ellen pointed out.

Added Teong Liang, ‘You must be willing to expend a lot of time to be with your clients and explain legal procedures to them — why certain things are done in a certain way.’

‘Most clients will be able to accept reasonable settlement terms if you give them a proper explanation of what is going on,’ said Ellen. ‘Once you can articulate what they want and what the problem is, most of them are prepared to listen.’

Family law practitioners handle not only the dissolution of a marriage, but also ancilliary matters connected to a divorce, for instance, custody, maintenance and division of matrimonial assets. The Women’s Charter is constantly referred to by family lawyers, as are the Matrimonial Proceedings Rules. They also have to consider the Guardianship of Infants Act, the Housing and Development Act and the Central Provident Fund Act. Some family lawyers also deal with the legal procedures accompanying the adoption of children from abroad and locally.

The lawyers told the SLG that they come into regular contact with mediators and counsellors at court. Occasionally, they also meet psychiatrists or psychologists.

‘I work with psychiatrists when there are allegations that one party is mentally unstable or has a psychiatric problem — this sometimes occurs in custody battles,’ said Daisy.

‘Sometimes, child psychiatrists may become involved when children are affected by the breakdown of a marriage and display unusual behaviour — becoming defiant or demanding attention all the time,’ she added.

Doctors are also consulted where there are allegations of physical abuse by one spouse and protection orders are sought by that party.

Whilst some of the lawyers co-operated with private investigatorsin gathering proof of adultery or to trace assets, others were wary of involving private investigators, either leaving their clients to engage their own private investigator or preferring at times instead to proceed under the ground of unreasonable behaviour.

Family law is generally regarded as a ‘bread and butter’ area of the law and its practitioners, the lawyers observed, come from both small and large law firms alike.

However, four of the lawyers observed that a great number of women lawyers were involved in the practice of family law.

‘I meet more female than male lawyers in family law matters’, said Teong Liang, who estimated that as much as 70% of the lawyers he had met in family law cases were women. Agreeing, Ellen estimated that more than half of the lawyers actively practising family law are women.

Geok Jen offered a possible explanation, ‘Perhaps some male lawyers prefer not to become too involved in the many telephone calls and complaints from matrimonial clients, which is not the case for commercial and contractual matters.’

‘Some men may shy away from family law because they think it is a woman’s job; or they can’t take the tears,’ suggested Ellen.

Some of the lawyers were of the opinion that a lawyer’s gender may have an impact on his or her practice of family law.

‘Male lawyers may approach family law differently from women lawyers — they may view things and find solutions differently,’ observed Teong Liang.

Alain was of the view that ‘some female clients may prefer a female lawyer because they feel that another woman would better understand their needs and what they are going through.’

‘Many women may find it easier to talk to another women and think that a woman can better understand their problems and better articulate their interests,’ agreed Ellen, who says that at present, over 75% of her clients are female.

However, she also conceded that ‘some women may engage a male lawyer thinking that he will understand what their husbands will do and provide better advice or can ‘push’ for their demands to be fulfilled.’

‘About 65% of my clients happen to be women,’ quipped Teong Liang, who says that he has no preferences in representing either sex.

The lawyers also shared what they felt to be the interesting and rewarding aspects of their work with SLG.

‘Every case is different due to the different psychological and emotional makeup of the client,’ said Teong Liang.

‘It is interesting to deal with cases where many assets are involved; you feel rewarded when you unveil the other party’s attempts to hide assets,’ remarked Geok Jen, whilst Daisy finds it satisfying when the order of court obtained matches with her clients’ needs.

‘The most rewarding part of family law work is appreciative clients,’ exclaimed Ellen, who likes to see the happiness and relief on their faces when their matters are concluded.

‘It’s always nice when a client comes back to tell you she and her children are doing well and is thankful that you helped her through a difficult period,’ she said, with a smile.

For one lawyer, the unexpectedly gentlemanly conduct of a client’s ex-husband brought great happiness. ‘He not only gave custody of their child to my client, but gave her more than what she was entitled to financially — he was remorseful and wanted to help my client and their daughter,’ she recalled.

The lawyers agreed that the saddest aspects of matrimonial work were dealing with the breakdown of a marriage or the children of that marriage, particularly where they are used by their parents like pawns on a chessboard and even lied to or manipulated by their parents.

‘In one case, a wife would not let her husband see their son. When the father met his son three months later, his son did not recognise his father and gave him a kick,’ one lawyer recounted.

Revealed Geok Jen, ‘Some husbands who have access to their children refuse to return them to their mothers and claim that the children do not want to go home to their mothers.’

‘In a divorce, children suffer the most, especially when there is a protracted court battle,’ said Teong Liang. ‘When children have to decide which parent to be with, they have divided loyalties and play both sides as they do not want to upset one parent ... they are like ragdolls being fought over.’

‘A child may not want to tell truth in case he is misunderstood or incurs the wrath of one parent,’ commented Ellen. ‘He may also be confused and traumatised if his parents do not explain that they are splitting due to adult differences which have nothing to do with him, and that they have made arrangements for him.’

Several of the lawyers told the SLG that due to the emotional difficulties faced by clients in matrimonial matters, some clients could have very high expectations or demands of their lawyers, in terms of time or expected results.

‘When you are characterised as a family lawyer, people have higher expectations of you and are more demanding,’ said Ellen wryly, ‘they expect you to get what they think is the best deal, if not, you are not worth your reputation.’

Most of the lawyers agreed that they had to work very long hours and make themselves accessible to their emotionally upset clients, who sometimes contacted them via their handphones and pagers after office hours.

‘Being on call at all hours of the day comes with the territory,’ said Teong Liang, ‘spousal quarrels can occur at all times of the night or on weekends and distraught clients may need urgent advice.’

‘Some clients may take up a lot of your time and not understand that you will charge for your time. Others want you to be there all the time at their beck and call and to accede to their demands,’ observed Ellen.

Some of the lawyers warned that due to the emotional nature of family disputes, family law practitioners had to take particular care in advising their clients.

‘The greatest enemy is always your client,’ cautioned Ellen, ‘if the client is dissatisfied, the first person the client attacks is you.’

‘Some clients blame you for everything ... one client writes to me once a week about how I failed her and says I gave in to her husband because he is charming ... ‘, exclaimed one lawyer incredulously.

‘If a court order does not fulfill your clients’ specific needs or expectations, they may blame you for incompetence or negligence even if you have warned them in advance that there would be a certain result,’ another lawyer commented.

‘Be careful, put your advice to clients on paper especially if they want to proceed against your advice,’ warned Daisy.

Ellen advised that whilst a family lawyer may make recommendations to his client, he must always accept that client’s ultimate decision, even though it is beyond his understanding, for instance, when a battered wife refuses to divorce her physically abusive husband.

At least three of the lawyers revealed that they had received threats from the disgruntled spouses of their clients, particularly in contested divorce matters.

‘I have been verbally abused by a husband outside the court because I acted for his wife,’ recalled Alain, who observed that ‘when emotions get the better of some men, they can get very heated and lose their senses.’

He advises, ‘It is important to be calm; there is no point getting worked up as it will not solve anything.’

Whilst the lawyers thought that it was important to establish rapport with their clients, they warned that family law practitioners have to tread a fine line between empathy for their clients and not losing their perspective.

‘Empathise with your client and his problem, but remain detached and handle things professionally,’ said Ellen.

‘Objectivity is all important — if you get personally involved, you will not be able to do your best for your client,’ said Teong Liang. ‘When a lawyer gets too personally involved in his client’s case, it becomes more difficult to resolve matters because he may insist on a certain course of action and may close himself to other ideas.’

‘If you see things only from the client’s view, you will lose credibility by making unreasonable claims,’ observed Daisy. ‘You must remember that you are an officer of the court and should be fair to both parties in a divorce.’

Observed Ellen, ‘When you are drawn emotionally into a case because the problem seems to be so magnified and your client so pitiful, you may be manipulated by that client at the end of the day.’

‘You need a lot of patience, a good dose of common sense and a very firm approach when you deal with your clients,’ said Geok Jen. ‘You also need to have a compromising attitude as nobody wins in a divorce.’

‘You must have compassion and a listening ear,’ contributed Alain, ‘matrimonial clients may take up more of your time as they need someone to talk to.’

Some of the lawyers felt that being married would benefit a lawyer in his or her practice of family law.

‘It helps for a family lawyer to be married,’ shared Alain. ‘After my marriage, I had a better understanding of the emotions involved in a marriage and a more practical perspective of how finances are arranged between a couple.’

Ellen opined that it would be better for aspiring family lawyers to have performed some volunteer work, for instance, legal counselling, as it may help them to guide very emotional clients and to assist them in finding solutions.

Whilst Daisy agreed that ‘it helps to have some counselling skills in dealing with a client,’ she also cautions that lawyers must ensure that there is no blurring of roles. ‘Be clear that you are the lawyer, not the counsellor — if your client need counselling, send them to a professional counsellor.’

‘It is good to have a mentor, as you may need to be able to ventilate without breaching client confidentiality,’ added Ellen, ‘and receive assurance that it is acceptable not to be able to help due to constraints and that you will never fully understand the intricacies of human relationships.’

‘You must have a heart ... for me it’s not just a job, I’m dealing with my client’s life,’ concluded Daisy.