• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.
• The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intentions.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.

Mail Order Baby

A Californian inmate may sue for the right to mail his semen to his wife in the hope of becoming a father by artificial insemination, held the majority of the US Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, holding that a prisoner had a 'fundamental right to procreate' that 'survives incarceration'. However, the ruling does not extend the right to procreate to women prisoners, whom the judges deemed were not 'similarly situated. In this case we cannot ignore the biological differences'.

But it was the dissenting judge, Judge Barry Silverman, who got the last word in. Disagreeing with the majority, His Honour suggested that it meant that 'inmates retain a constitutional right to procreate from prison via FedEx ... With the utmost respect, the majority's reading of the constitution is as unprecedented as it is ill-conceived.'

Long before the recent spate of airline disasters, a major American airline was already facing problems from a passenger with a dress sense second to none. A British man in the midst of a sex change is suing a carrier after allegedly being marched off a flight and forced to change into male attire. His/her lawyer's statement was as follows: 'My client is a biological male, but she does present as a female quite often'. In the present instance, 'she had on make-up, with a wig, a dress' but was told to 'take off the long hair, probably wipe off the make-up ...'.

The damage claimed of US$95,000 will probably buy more than a whole new wardrobe if the plaintiff is successful!

Runaway Brides

In a different part of the world, other problems plague our men. At least ten bridegrooms living in mud huts in a remote hamlet in southern China, who paid thousands of yuan to marry, have been left lonely and heartbroken after being deserted by their new wives. A recent Reuters report states that each paid about 20,000 yuan to two matchmakers from a neighbouring area but within a few days all of the brides ran away, with one claiming to be pregnant and another ditching her hapless husband at a roadside motel.

Backhanded Compliment

It isn't the bad lawyers who are screwing up the justice system in this country - it's the good lawyers. If you have two competent lawyers on opposite sides, a trial that should take three days could easily last six months.

Art Buchwald