Rajan Chettiar chats
with Glenn Ang, lawyer turned full-time homemaker. This is a heartwarming
personal account of why he turned househusband, and the motivations that led to
his brave decision. It is a story of one family's courage to go against social
norms and how one's perspective on life and family can profoundly affect the way
life decisions are made.
After completing my pupillage in Palakrishnan & Partners, I was called to the Bar in 1997. Whilst my peers went on to embark on their law careers, I returned to school to be trained as a teacher. Haaving realised that my calling was to work with youths, I felt that being a teacher would provide me with an opportunity to help them grow intellectually and emotionally during their formative years.
I spent three years teaching English Language and Literature at Assumption English School. Like any other profession, a teaching job in Singapore is an equally demanding job laden with administrative duties. Towards the end of my teaching stint, my wife, Geraldine, and I were faced with the usual question which all parents face - the care of our first child. To Geraldine and myself, our marriage and family were of paramount importance. My wife, a dentist, was serving her bond and could not become a full-time mother. As our respective parents had their own commitments, our remaining choice was to engage a maid. We were not comfortable with leaving our first newborn baby in the hands of a foreign maid. As I was in the midst of studying for a Masters in Social Sciences degree majoring in counselling, my wife and I then decided, after a year of careful consideration, that I should become a full-time father to take care of six-month-old Scott and at the same time complete my studies. It was a decision arising from the circumstances we were in.
Although it is physically demanding to take care of a baby and have my needs subordinated to Scott's during the day, I have a privilege which most fathers in the world may not have - to be with my baby as he grows, see his first smile and see him take his first steps. I do not think anything else in the world could have brought me such endless joy, satisfaction and pride. It was definitely worth all the fatigue!
Although my relatives doubted the feasibility of our arrangement, I was very happy to see that our respective parents were very supportive of my role in the family.
My friends were surprised and had mixed reactions when they learnt of my unusual move to become a full-time father. Our neighbours still wonder when I am going to return to a full-time job!
In today's world, where our jobs consume our lives, we often have no time to spend with our parents, siblings, the significant other and children. To me, relationships are very important in my life. During pupillage, I found the relationships lawyers forge with their clients very formal and unsatisfying. That was one reason why I did not practise law at all.
In the background of highly stressful lives, our material needs grow faster than our salaries. I often think about what I really need in life to be happy. I can attribute the reason for my different way of thinking to my early realisation that I need time to think about my priorities regularly. Another reason could be the time I spent volunteering during varsity days at my alma mater, St Joseph's Institution and St Patrick's School, tutoring weak students. As a member of the National University of Singapore Catholic Students' Society, I had the opportunity to become more aware of myself as a person and to grow emotionally and spiritually. At the outset of our marriage, Geraldine and I decided to lead simple lives. We bought a three room HDB flat with good amenities nearby. Having a car, shopping and dining out were low priorities to us. Of course, we have our vices - Geraldine is into sushi and shoes, and the other significant objects in my life are computers and gadgets, affectionately referred to by Geraldine as "the bottomless pit".
My full-time fatherhood continued for six months. I now have a babysitter for half a day so that I can spend the time catching up on my degree course and doing part-time counselling once a week at a secondary school. This is a source of supplementary income for the family. Finance is a very real issue of concern to Geraldine and me. Admittedly, we maintain a tight budget and make many sacrifices, such as forgoing holidays and purchases to pamper ourselves.
While I think my love for working with children is a life-time one, I am trying to discover what I would like to spend my time doing. I am currently toying with the idea of concentrating on special education for children with disabilities. I guess in Singapore, my career path and lifestyle is the exception rather than the norm. I do have doubts from time to time as to whether what I am doing is what I really want to do. As each step in the 31st year of my life is taken after much consideration, I am happy with the choices that I have made and have no regrets with the path I have chosen. One of my dreams is to set up an orphanage.
Life is uncertain for all of us in this world. Geraldine and I continue to make decisions and necessary adjustments in our lives very often. We plan to work in such a manner that one of us is always available to take care of Scott and our future children for at least half a day. As such, I will probably continue with this arrangement of being a part-time father and counsellor. We are thankful for all that life has given us; we'll see what tomorrow brings.'
Rajan Chettiar
Allen & Gledhill