Alter Ego

The World of Family Lawyers

 

‘Being married to someone or being a parent is more than just a role or a stage in life. It is a calling.’: Johnson Loo, a family lawyer.

 

Being a family lawyer too is a calling.

 

‘It is emotionally draining to deal with clients’ marital problems. I cannot handle their incessant complaints and telephone calls. Besides my client, I have to deal also with their family members and friends.’ These are some of the complaints of lawyers, who shun the practice of family law.

 

Yet, the Family Bar consists of a large group of lawyers — young and old — of different ethnic groups and marital status. Family law enjoys an important standing in legal education and practice. This was reiterated by the setting up of a separate Family Court to deal with family issues in March 1995. Family law touches the most important and intimate part of an individual’s life. If a person does not find peace and comfort in his marriage and family, he becomes unhappy or even depressed. This in turn affects the other aspects of his life. The family lawyer plays a vital role in modern Singapore, where rates of divorce are ever growing. In 2003, 6,561 people ended their marriage in Singapore. This means that 1.91 divorce petitions were filed per one thousand residents in Singapore.

A family lawyer’s practice is more than helping his client obtain personal protection against family violence, claim for maintenance, custody of children, obtaining a divorce and financial settlement. He also assists his client in conveyancing transactions, writing wills, obtaining probate grants and defending family members in criminal proceedings. The family lawyer is not just a lawyer to his client — he is a friend, confidante, counsellor who helps his client during one of the most traumatic and painful periods in his life. He plays a significant role in helping his client reach a practical and fair solution in a non-acrimonious and cost effective manner. Is there a greater honour and privilege than this for a lawyer? 

 

Recently at the LAWASIA and the Law Society of Singapore’s Conference on ‘The Child and the Law’ held in Singapore, I soaked in the company and thoughts of the officers of the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, the judiciary, family law academics, family law practitioners, both local and overseas, and social workers.

 

Here is a peek into what would have transpired if a group consisting of a family law academic, family lawyers in Singapore and the speakers of the Conference had sat down together for a chat.

 


Queen’s Counsel Maureen Southwick (MS) from William Martin Chambers, Auckland, New Zealand is a family law practitioner of about 25 years. As part of her illustrious career, Maureen is also a senior counsel for child custody and guardianship disputes.
 

  

 


Andrew Davies (AD), 51, is a barrister and solicitor in O’Sullivan Davies Lawyers in Perth, Australia. He is an Accredited Family Law Specialist, a Family and Child Mediator, Chairman of the Family Law and Family Rights of LAWASIA and a Fellow of the International Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Next is Associate Professor Debbie Ong (DO), 38, who teaches Family Law in the Faculty of Law at the National University of Singapore. She is a Court Mediator in the Family Court and Vice-Chairperson of the Law Society’s Family Law Practice Committee.
 

  

Irving Choh (IC), 36, is a partner in Rajah & Tann, who has practised family law in all of his 10 years in practice.
 

Colin Kang (CK), 32, is the Managing Director of East Asia Law Corporation, who has practised family law for the last five years.

 

       

Johnson Loo (JL) and Veronica Joseph (VJ), both 29, have been associates in the Family Law Practice Group of Drew & Napier LLC for the last three years.

 

 

Rajan Chettiar (RC)

 

RC: Why did all of you decide to branch into family law practice?

 

IC:  I am fascinated by the manner in which family law deals with issues arising from complex human emotions and the impact of divorce on people’s lives.

 

JL: Me too, Irving. It is just so exciting to study how the law regulates something as deeply personal as marriage, children and family.

 

VJ: Johnson and I work for the same boss who specialises in family law. So, I had little choice but to practise 
family law!

 

CK: It is quite strange how I came into family law. I always kept away from the study of family law in law school and in my first year of practice. Five years ago, I started my own law practice. My family members and friends started referring me clients with marital problems. I started practising family law out of necessity — for business survival. After some time, I realised that family law was my calling.

 

RC: Debbie, you have been teaching family law in NUS 
since 1992.

 

DO: Yes, and I still enjoy teaching it very much. Unlike corporate issues, family issues are familiar and real to everyone. These issues touch your heart and soul. Family law work is also interesting because it is multi-disciplinary where law, medicine and social sciences can jointly promote the growth of the best family justice and social system.

 

RC: Maureen, you mentioned to me that one of the essential qualities of a family lawyer is that he must be a ‘people person’. Why is that so?

 

MS:  I am a ‘people person’. Family law is more than the practice of law. A family lawyer needs to have a desire to be with people during the most difficult moments in their lives, empathise with them and help them with their problems. During weekends and while on vacation, my mobile always rings and exchange of text messages (SMS) are common, much to the annoyance of my husband.

 

CK: Absolutely! I feel that a family lawyer must be passionate about his practice and also be a ‘people person’. Passion and love for people are necessary to sustain lawyers in the Family Bar.

 

IC:  Yes, and to add on, good communication, ability to build rapport with clients, sensitivity and objectivity are the other must-have qualities.

 

AD: I think listening skills, sensibility and the capability to give practical solutions to clients are very important.

 

RC: That’s so true, Andrew. Often, I find that I am dealing with more of the client’s emotions such as worry, fear and insecurities. I am also asked to give solutions to problems, which involve skills that go beyond family law. We are not taught these skills in law school or during our Postgraduate Law Course.

DO:  We need training to become better-equipped and more effective family lawyers. There is so much that training can offer and we can learn many invaluable and refreshing lessons from psychologists and social workers. Family law conferences such as the recent one organised by LAWASIA and the Law Society of Singapore can help lawyers to understand the other dimensions in family disputes.

 

VJ: I think objectivity is very important in family law practice. It helps to find fair solutions for our clients. As family law issues are emotional, it is so easy to be swayed by a client’s viewpoint. If the lawyer is able to see both viewpoints, he can then advise his client to reach a middle ground that will help both sides. Very often, I get emotionally involved in the matter and therefore become less objective. Any quick fix solution for this?

 

AD: (laughs). It is never easy. We would have to practise it consciously every day in our practice. Many more years of practice, Veronica! Practise empathy without sympathy and you would not lose 
your objectivity! 

 

MS:  Being emotionally detached is tough, especially when a client is suffering and is extremely emotional. There is a fine line between empathy and emotional detachment.

 

AD: Being emotionally undetached is top in the to-do list for a family lawyer. Having said that, I still find it difficult to be emotionally undetached sometimes.

 

JL: Andrew, you find that difficult even after practising family law for 15 years?  It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one who finds it a challenge to empathise with a client while keeping a healthy emotional distance.

 

DO:  Patience is another good virtue, especially so for a family lawyer. 

 

(The rest smile in agreement.)

 

CK: Lots of patience — to clear their misconceptions and half truths that clients have obtained from their friends and relatives — to explain to them the state of the law and how that differs from their personal perceptions — to sieve through their emotional mumbo-jumbo to discover what the client actually wants. A tall order!

 

JL: Yes, and an open mind. In the eyes of the client, nothing is too petty and inconsequential. I try to resist substituting my personal values for that of the client’s – and that is a large temptation.

 

VJ: I think the client will be grateful to the lawyer for his honesty during the progress of his case. If he is being unreasonable and difficult, the lawyer should point out this to him and highlight the consequences to him.

 

DO: A family lawyer is different from a commercial law litigator. The family lawyer cannot be aggressive and adopt an adversarial approach in family court proceedings. At times, he may even have to advise his client to ‘give in’ and accept less. To a commercial litigator, that could be similar to admitting defeat and is unacceptable. A family lawyer, no matter how worn down by his client’s irrational demands, has a duty to help his client to reach the best practical solution in a harmonious way and which best promotes the children’s welfare.

 

AD: Perhaps, that is why it is so difficult to encourage young lawyers to practise family law. Is that a problem in Singapore as well, Debbie?

 

DO: I am not sure about the number of family law practitioners in Singapore. At the Law Faculty here, family law is a popular optional subject, which more than 100 students study each year. Both genders seem to like the subject equally. Many enjoy the challenges that family law poses them. Many students feel that they would practise family law after studying our course!

 

CK: Young lawyers and generally most lawyers find family law emotionally draining. The decision of the Family Court alters the lives of individuals and family units significantly. I think the fact that family lawyers do not make loads of money is another push factor for young lawyers.

 

AD: I think family law practice is different from the practice of other branches of law. It is not about making money but an opportunity to learn continuously. 

 

MS: Well said! It is interesting to note that although we practise family law in different jurisdictions, our practice and concerns are so similar. Isn’t that true, Andrew?

 

AD: Yes. I have been told that mediation plays a major role in the court proceedings in the Singapore Family Court too.

 

DO:  I believe that mediatiyon can assist parties to reach a practical solution that is worked out by the parties themselves. No judge can know better than thone involved what is the best decision or arrangements for themselves and their children. And, they are more likely to honour the terms of their own arrangements than those imposed by a 
court order.

 

MS:  In New Zealand, mediation is also conducted outside court. The mediators are usually lawyers in private practice and they charge a fee based on the time spent.

 

AD: In Australia, accredited mediators often conduct the private mediation too. Family lawyers like myself sit for exams and complete casework before we obtain our accreditation.

 

RC: In Singapore, judges and volunteers act as mediators. Do lawyers make suitable mediators?

 

AD: Why not? I think lawyers possess the relevant legal skills and can play a vital role in the mediation process. Do not bring your litigation skills into the mediation room. A mediator needs to be confident, firm and capable of exploring practical solutions.

 

JL: Do you mediate at home, Andrew?

 

AD: (Laughs) No! However, my mediation training helps me to have insight into relationship issues and to evaluate my own position in my relationships with my family members.

 

RC: How does your family law practice affect your marriage or personal relationships?

 

MS:  I think it helps me to enjoy close and rich relationships with my son and daughter.

 

AD: I have learnt that a person changes constantly in a relationship.  Communicate and keep on communicating with each other!

 

IC:  I am more sensitive and responsive towards my family’s needs. I am definitely more appreciative of them.

 

CK: My work does not scare me from entering into relationships. I am a single and passionate lawyer!

 

JL: I have a girlfriend of seven years. Being a matrimonial lawyer has strengthened my view that marriage is an institution worthy of upholding and cherishing. At the same time, I will not rush into saying, ‘I do’.

 

VJ: I am truly thankful for my husband. However, being a pessimist, my work affects me negatively on some occasions. For example, I believe having children can cause a strain in a couple’s relationship, which may eventually lead to the breakdown of their marriage. The children cause the couple not to have much time for each other, finances become tight and they also have different views on child rearing. For this reason, my husband and I have decided not to have children for now. We review this decision annually.

 

DO: My exposure to broken families makes me appreciate my husband, Victor, with renewed passion. My children are the luckiest children in having a father whose passion is his family. In the course of my mediation work in the Family Court, I make a conscious effort not to impose my views on how families should live in a post-divorce family arrangement.

 

MS: How about you, Rajan?

 

RC: A successful marriage is the product of a couple’s daily investment in their relationship. It is nothing short of hard work. My family law practice acts as a daily reminder of the pitfalls I should avoid in my own marriage and how I should cherish my wife and her feelings.

 

IC:  It is fulfilling to help clients put a closure to their marital woes, remarry and find their happiness once again.

 

JL: The satisfaction of victory is more acutely felt in family litigation.

 

VJ: Yes! Clients’ happiness is a greater reward than money.
Helping a client, who was deprived of seeing her children, to have access is so fulfilling.

 

DO: My students usually feel the same passion for the subject because we can all empathise, in our own ways, with issues such as the struggles of families of divorce, domestic violence and child custody battles. I challenge my students to think beyond the legal issues and to give thought to the social perspectives of family law. I think it is very refreshing for students to think of ways to solve family problems in a holistic way.

 

MS: How would you describe the state of family law practice in Singapore?

 

CK: Family law practice is less acrimonious than in other areas of practice. There is a good administration of family law justice as the Family Court judges are constantly innovating 
new practices.

 

IC:  To add on, the Family Bar is friendly and there is a sense of 
camaraderie among fellow practitioners. We respect each other for the work we do.

 

DO: As an academic, I study the family law developments in Singapore closely. I must say that I am pleased with the good state of our family law. It has developed well. It is one of the few areas of law with a wealth of local case law, which reflects our local family values and needs. 

 

VJ: There are of course areas we can improve on. For example, men are clearly prejudiced under the Women’s Charter. Today, some men are house-husbands. Their rights are not protected when a marriage breaks down. I also think that, ‘Women’s Charter’ should be changed perhaps to ‘The Matrimonial Causes Act’ so that men do not feel that they are being unfairly treated by our family law.

RC: Maybe, we can just call it ‘Family Law Act’ or the ‘Family Charter’?

 

VJ: Is there a role for litigation in the family law process?

 

AD: I would say that litigation should be a last resort. It does not serve parties if divorce proceedings turn litigious.

 

DO: I think the formal litigation process still has a place today. The formal court processes emphasise the solemnity and seriousness of the issues to the parties. Sometimes, the threat of litigation, the high legal costs, embarrassment, emotional hardship to children and other family members encourage quicker settlement. In some issues, such as those concerning children, litigation is not desirable at all. We may do better with a non-judicial partner institution, which can assist parties to resolve such disputes. The formal court processes can still manage the case as a whole. If mediation does not facilitate settlement, then the litigation process can bring matters to a close.

 

RC: Have you learnt any lessons from your clients’ lives 
and cases?

 

JL: The recurring lesson is that one has to be crystal clear that one‘s marriage vows can be honoured before they are taken. As Yoda says, ‘Do or do not … there is no try!’

 

IC:  It is better to have loved and lost it than never to have loved at all.  Do not give up, keep trying and you will find a better love. 

 

CK: Children are the best gift one can have. The one thing that clients fight for and want are to have their children with them. If children are raised properly, they will be a joy in our old age.

 

VJ: Have you heard the Elvis song, ‘She looks like an angel, walks like an angel, talks like an angel but … she’s the devil in disguise’? Beware of angels!

 

 

A Family Lawyer’s Wish List

 

 

Rajan Chettiar

Rajan Chettiar & Co

E-mail: rajan@rajanchettiar.com